Thoughts (Letting Go: Part 4)

Thoughts.

Letting Go  4

Paro remained at the terrace long after he was gone, her eyes still glued to the long empty road that seemed to merge into the twin hills and disappeared thereafter leading him away from the town, from the Haveli and from her ... till the sun was right above her head but the heat beating down upon her was nothing in comparison to the thousand suns that were bleeding her heart. 

With every passing moment, the heaviness inside her grew virtually weighing her down into an abyss of her own making. If the first sight of him at the hospital had given her a new lease of life, every step now felt like life being slowly sucked out of her that left her increasingly breathless. All aspirations, hopes and dreams that she had painstakingly built over the years were being dismantled brick by brick...taken away piece by piece till all that remained was a cloud of dust where dreams had once stood. He was gone and soon she would be too. 

With that thought, she finally turned her back on him. Her steps were slow and languid and the descend down from the terrace was a complete contrast to her ascent of earlier. Now that the moment was here, Paro wasn't sure she could go through with it. She stopped mid-way at the landing between floors and looked back up at the beaming sun through the open door, she did not have a choice, did she? Was there way around this? If only she could, she would do anything to stay back. But there was no choice.

This was the perfect time of the day to make an exit she knew, Kakisa would be taking her afternoon nap, jiji would be busy with the workers and all the men of the house were out at work. No one would notice if she snuck out through the back door and if she could time this right, she would make it far before they even found out she was missing! But Paro felt terribly ill-prepared, his recovery had been miraculous last night, leaving her in stunned silence and woefully unprepared for what lay next. There was so much to do, and so little time! Panic. She clutched onto the lone Rudrakshya bracelet trying to steady her frayed nerves, asking Bholenath to give her the strength which would lead her through this dark passage, "Stay with me Bholenath" her voice was low.

A wave of awe hit Rudra as he entered the all too familiar building slowly taking in its sights and savoring every minute detail because he had missed it so much earlier. This was his space, and now that he was back, his life would go back to normal. He sighed, Normal, at this his steps faltered a little at the base of the grand marbled staircase inside the foyer right underneath that majestic dome lit up internally by the tiny round windows that dotted its periphery bringing in bright rays of the afternoon sun as it bathed it in an eternal glow.

"Kya sooch rahe ho Major Saab...?"  He was startled to see her standing at the top of the steps on the floor above, willing him to action, "Come on Major Saab, you can do it. Don't give up" her voice urged him, encouraged him...and like a thirsty man drawn to the coolest spring he had ever seen, he walked towards her, taking her her words, soaking in her beauty until it was her voice that stopped him, yet again, "Come on Major Saab, pick them up using your right hand..."

Hand? he looked up startled at the top of the steps and back down to his right hand which held the wooden staircase railing in an unrelenting firm grip. It had happened last night, almost miraculously after Paro had urged him to pick up all her pink chudis from the floor. She had done this every single day since his return from the hospital and it had been a chore for the most part. Naturally, he was not looking forward to Paro's physiotherapy sessions last night either because he hated being so helpless in front of her, it felt like being exposed and it made him feel utterly vulnerable, he hated how it felt. But last night, it had fallen into place... and he could scarcely believe it himself as he raised the three pink chudis off the ground and brought them up to his face gripped firmly by his fingers. He could hardly believe it! Relief. But that was short lived - his trance of sorts had been rudely broken by the clatter of tea cups as they hit the ground and broke into tiny little pieces and the sharp unrelenting noise of the steel water jug as it tumbled down the steps towards him from the top where Paro stood in stunned silence,"Paro...mere haath.." he could hardly contain his excitement but she looked... what... worried? Where was that smile on her face? He frowned.

And thats when it hit him. Smile or  the lack of one - Rudra knew he would not find Paro atop the staircase when he looked up now, "Welcome back sir" it was Aman's voice instead that greeted him from up there. He responded with a nod of the head as he walked briskly towards where she had been just moments ago. Smile. Thats what had been plaguing him the past three days, why hadn't Paro sported one, even when he had recovered?

"Is everything alright Sir?" Aman asked again, "Singh sir has called you to his Cabin Sir, we must go there first"

"Let's go" Rudra said. He did however look back at the staircase when they stood outside Col. Singh's cabin, but there was only emptiness there. Paro was gone but the dread in his heart wasn't.

"Come let me walk you to your room" Mythili was already dragging her by the arm before Paro could respond. But Paro was not ready to go back, not yet, "Jija.."she stopped her at the threshold before she could touch the door knob, "Show me around the house..."

"Now?" the request surprised Mythili, "but its late..." she paused briefly, and giggled as a realization struck her, "you are right...we should do this now before Majisa wakes up..come..." and just like that they walked away from the door of Rudra's room. 

As they approached the step at the other end of the courtyard, Paro glanced back swiftly, only to see an all too familiar silhouette move about their room. She knew, she had made the right choice.

Next: Rudrakshya