Silence.
Letting Go 7
The escape was quick, the walk a blur and the ride was
like drowning in a pool of silence where even the voices inside your head
whisper fearful of what the words might trigger. Paro clutched onto her bag
tightly pressing it against herself hoping that would provide some solace to
her heart, and lessen this burden but nothing felt right. She did not notice
the fellow commuters or the road side vendors, or the rugged landscape arid
like her heart as the road cut through it, taking her away from home and from him.
There was so much chaos around her that she could only register the numbing
silence of her mind. How would this ever work, she had no clue!
The Ranawat family assembled in the interior courtyard
next to the old fountain outside Rudra's bedroom greeted him with an uneasy
silence as he walked in unsuspecting of the horror that awaited him. The
courtyard, in contrast to the general mood of its occupants was bathed in a
beautiful shade of burning orange, lit up by the faint glow of the setting sun
that filtered through the latticed windows creating playful patterns on the
surrounding walls. But their hearts felt devoid of all light because Paro
was missing, and by all accounts she had walked out herself! Everyone knew
that except Rudra; wary of his reaction though, no one knew how to break the
news to him.
Not one to let an opportunity pass, Kaki however
jumped right in; it was hard to tell where the sympathy ceased and sarcasm
began, "Rudra
banna..." she walked
over teary eyed, armed to mock Rudra, "I don't even know how
to say this..."and paused almost strategically to wipe those errant
tears away, "first
your mother and now...Dhua kumari has vanished" and when she felt Rudra did not
grasp the seriousness of the situation she added,
"Your wife has left home...Rudra banna, totally messing up the
weather of this house..."
Rudra felt himself physically reel back by the blow
inflicted by those words, "Paro?" he turned to his father seeking a
denial but he was silent just like the rest of them, bearing a grim
expression that sent a chill of foreboding through Rudra's spine, "Ranawat...yeh
kya bol rahi hey...you told me..." No, no, no... this could not be
happening to him all over again!
"Rudra
..woh.. I fell asleep after our call until Mythili came and woke me up..."Rudra
turned to Mythili who looked distraught, her tears had already washed away the
kohl in her eyes, "I went to the market
and when I came back...Paro..."at this she couldn't contain her tears, "she was gone...!"
Trust Mohini to cash in fully, "This
is what I had feared... its like you are cursed!"
"Enough!" Danveeer roared, "Can
you just stop it for once?" his
eyes bore years of suppressed anger directed at his wife,
"Just stop Mohini, stop being so insensitive for once...and let us focus
on what needs to be done now"
Rudra stood passively immobilized by the weight of his
own realizations as it dawned upon him, "Had Paro said anything?" Danveer asked, "She
didn't look very unlike herself the past few days..." a worried Mythili chimed in.
"Then pray
for it, ask the same god to grant you your wish" Paro's
words from the day of the puja came back to him even as images from yesterday
& this morning flashed before his eyes, "Thats what it was!?" Rudra wondered, the
gradual withdrawal?
He walked away from the family drowning out their
voices completely - towards his bedroom hoping he would find her perched up on
the almirah, but there was only a morbid silence waiting for him there.
Why hadn't he
paid heed to those signs, and come back earlier,
he rued as he fished out the new cell phone from his pocket and threw it
against the opposite wall shattering it into tiny little pieces.
Dilsher
said, "I
don't know what she sees in you but ... you know, do one thing, buy her a phone
on the way home from work today. Then I can sleep in peace"
It wasn't a bad idea thought Rudra.
Peace. That was exactly what was missing from her mind
since last night as Paro paced restlessly in her room her eyes darted back and
forth between the bundle of clothes thrown over the bed ready to be packed and
the closed door. Somehow this was getting harder than she had imagined it would
be. Come
tomorrow morning, she would not wake up in this room, or in that bed...and in
his arms?That realization made her throat constrict and it felt as if
a thousand bullets dipped in the deadliest poison seared through her body
mortally wounding her soul. To leave him would be worse than death for
there would be no closure.
Two nights, thats what it had taken Paro to untangle
the web of rat(ty) lies that the Major had weaved on their first night back.
Every night since then, he had without fail reminded her of those rats; the
same godzilla rats which curiously she had failed to spot otherwise.
"Paro...they
are poisonous" Rudra
had said his face not giving away anything,"They
teach us all that in BSD" the
following words had however raised a flag of suspicion in Paro's mind, "Woh...they
teach about rats too?" she
looked at him carefully noticing how he had avoided looking back at her
directly. It wasn't too hard to come to a conclusion after that.
That evasion
was just as obvious as his lies, clearly her husband was a bad liar.Paro
was elated though with the revelation that he wanted her next to him and was
willing to lie so badly - so blatantly at that! So ignoring the voice inside her that warned her
of the consequences, Paro had allowed herself that tiny allowance and had
played along with Rudra's lies. Surely Bholenath wouldn't mind because
nothing felt as right as it did when she slept in her husband's arms -something so right couldn't possibly be wrong?
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