OS: Why the fear, Major Saab?
I/2
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It felt like a trance, only he had no clue he was moving because the world had ceased for him, a moment ago, when he heard that familiar call. Like sweet music it coursed through his parched barren soul gushing life through the pores which had withered and had simply weathered the last seven years.
In her absence, the absence of her touch, of her words, the sweet music that had colored his colorless life and the love that had softened his stoney heart and made him human - in her absence, he too had ceased to be. Yes he had survived, not like that man he had been prior to having met her but the man she had left him as, and he loved her enough not to ever change. He loved her enough not to break her trust in him, trust that he would be a better man, trust as she had placed their young son in his arms, wailing and crying for the warmth of his mothers embrace even as she had lain bloodied breathing her last, in his lap. He was alive because of her, but he was not really living.
Except everything blurred the moment, he saw that familiar ache starring back at him for the first time in years. The same vulnerability that spoke through silence, an all encompassing trust that reflected through those words, and the same wobbly steps that led him to her, slowly. She had held him captive in that instance and he could not shrug her away, how could he? When his life was calling out to him through a mirage of incomprehensible proportions, like a faint glimmer of hope, a brilliant dazzling white light in an all too dark space, he only saw her, as she held him in trance. And he waited for her to act, anything like tiny crumbs to a hungry man. Would she give him a reason to believe in magic?
"Why the fear, Major Saab?" the world ceased making sense to him then.
Paro, are you really here? His heart craved to know yet he was afraid to move, afraid that it would break this spell, afraid that she would retreat back and he would left stranded once again. But all the questions flew out, all the words left him bereft, as the familiar touch slowly stroked that familiar passion back, and those lips trailed open an unmistakable familiarity in its wake. He gave in to her, there was nothing more to it, there was nothing else to it, it was Paro and he was her Rudra. There was no greater truth in the world and no one would be able to convince him otherwise, no matter what.
He reluctantly walked up to the door and pried his eyes away from her, from Paro that he had tucked to bed. His Paro, not that stranger who had waltzed into their lives threatening to destroy his carefully structured world. This was her, his Paro. And thats precisely what he couldn't move away. Afraid that tomorrow would shatter this beautiful dream. He shut the blinds and closed the curtains, afraid that the sunlight would cast a shadow in this hope; and there was nothing more to do except wait. A long excruciating wait, that had started the moment she had fallen back into a deep sleep just as he was waking up after the memorizing kiss, a kiss that left him in no doubt. He had stared at her in absolute astonishment for god knows how long, holding her tiny frame, the all too familiar warmth in his hands, as the overwhelming familiarity finally made sense to him. This was her, but how?
He needed answers but who would wake up in the morning, Myrah or his Paro?
Why the fear, Major Saab?
Part 2/2
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"The eyes mirror the soul. And they wont lie or cheat except its up to you to read what they say. Remove the veil that blocks your mind, alters your perception and colors your vision, you will see the truth as it stares back to you, in all its purity" Words from years ago, from what seemed like another lifetime, echoed in his mind as he stared at her sleeping form.
Lost in the thoughts of moments ago, so desperately trying to fit together the pieces and make sense of things that puzzled him, "Remember the eyes never lie" his senior had told him. At that time and for the longest time since, Rudra had always brushed it aside as a fanciful thing. Not until today had the truth in those words hit him, he had been guilty of not trusting his judgment but today there was no denying it, he knew it in his heart as she stared back at him. It took all but a moment for the look to change, from an acquaintance to one he knew like the back of his hand. Something had snapped and she had transformed from Myrah to Paro instantly, and he had known, seen and felt that transformation. As incomprehensible as it was, it was real.Too real to deny yet the reality too bizarre to accept.
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"I do not know of hope or faith, or those big fancy declarations. Neither do I know the seven vows that tie two together in marriage, I just know one thing, and that for me, love starts at you and ends with you. Faith begins with you and it gives me strength to be who I am today simply because you believed in me, when no one else did, not even myself"
The voice was all male, but she could not recognize him. So she covered her ears, hoping to drown out the voices. But this time, there was another, a female that spoke, and it forced her to look straight ahead, "Do you know who I am?" it asked, she looked up only to see a reflection of herself on a mirror made of frozen ice.
These words were driving her insane, like a mad woman possessed and confined to a tiny space with no exit, she dragged her tired limbs from end to end, the edges all blurred into one seamless confinement every time she touched the walls, it was getting to her. And add to that these words that made so little sense, booming across the tiny space that held her captive. Words - a part of her wanted to believe in, words that seem to draw her to the edge of this confinement and yet something pulled her back to the center every single time, something more powerful - something dreadful, her heart knew by now. Every set back drained her of her strength and weakened her, she could feel herself drowning deeper into the center and drawn away from that voice and escape.
Tired, she collapsed to the floor. It was cold, just like the walls and sky above, white-lifeless and joyless, an almost luminous luster yet so cold. It drove her mad and she was certain, it would soon kill her. If it had not already.
She lay lifeless listening to the sounds of her laboured breathing unable to muster any more strength to get up or fight back, until that familiar voice roused her once again, "...tu mein auur hamesha" Except this time, it felt closer, more real as if, she knew what it meant. It wasn't enigmatic like the previous words that had driven her insane, "I'll be waiting for you..." And then the inexplicable happened, she felt the first flakes of snow fall upon her, all round her. Like tiny blessings showered from above,like memories descending down upon her, infusing life, snow that she had once asked for were weaving their magic now.
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"Major Saab" her cries pierced his ears, and forced the sleep away from his droopy eyes, a startled Rudra jumped up and ran towards the bed where she twisted and turned, squirmed in obvious agony, "Please let me go, let me go to him...Major Saab" she called out again, her eyes shut but he could see the fear etched in the contortions of her face, in the struggle as she tried to free herself of this invisible grip, "manne unke pass jaane do..." she cried out, tears streaming down those cheeks, he could hold back no more.
Just like he had held a stranger that day in the hospital bed years ago, Rudra did so again. Trying to sooth her nerves, hoping his touch, his words would bring comfort to her, "Shaant" he spoke desperately hoping it would help her calm down, "It's just a nightmare Paro..." he held her firmly on the bed, his body weight upon her, his free hand wiped those tears away, "Shaant" he whispered.
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The snow flakes melted against the warmth of her face, and she heard it louder this time, a voice so familiar it eased her worry and gave her strength , "Shaant" it said. She looked up as the walls around her started to melt as the warmth started to spread. She could see a faint outline of a forlorn figure on the other side, his hand outstretched reaching out to her, "Major Saab..." she called out one last time before darkness enveloped her again.
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She flicked open her eyes and found herself in his arms. The struggle stopped as did the dream.
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