Oodhni ka Moti. (Letting Go: Part 10)

Oodhni ka Moti.

(Final Part)

Rudra's first instinct was to stride up the remaining steps to the Mandap Hall and drag her out of the darned temple, away from the crowd and scream at her! He could not believe that he had found her here in the middle of nowhere praying while he was out like a mad-man running across the town, organizing a massive search and rescue operation utilizing precious BSD resources, while she was here praying for crying out loud, as if nothing had happened, as if she hadn't run away!"Are you freaking insane!?", he wanted to scream at her.

But all those thoughts went up like a puff of air as soon as the stroke of the familiar drew him in, like it had the first time they had met all those months ago in the middle of a blistering desert amidst her cries of help. She had taken away a piece of him that day, and as she stared back at him from the top of the beautifully lit up temple now, he knew exactly what she had taken away that day, his heart. She was the light that lit up his dark world. He could no longer deny.

For a moment, neither moved. 

The trance however was broken by the sound of the temple bells. It brought them back to the present, for him it was a moment of sheer relief, she was safe, everything else could be fixed. For her though, it wasn't as simple.

"Bewakoof Ladki..." he mumbled as he made his way towards his visibly nervous wife.

"Ghar chal Paro..." he said, not caring that he was still interrupting the aarti or the curious audience that was attuned to his every word by now.

"I can't go back..." she said folding her hands in prayer, "Pundit ji, why don't you start the aarti?" she asked trying desperately to avoid the fuming man besides her.

"Paro..." his voice was a firm reminder, the tone a clear indication that he was not taking a no for an answer.

"Is this man harassing you?" the priest asked Paro much to Rudra's annoyance,"No!" was her emphatic response, "He is my husband" she added in a low voice.

"Pundit ji, its getting dark" another woman spoke up, "Why get in that middle of a husband wife tiff?" 

Rudra stood right behind Paro as she joined in the aarti, observing her the entire time. There was no way he was letting her out of his sight now. However, as soon as the aarti was done, he held her firmly startling her in the process, "Kya...what are you doing?" she asked looking down at his grip on her hand.

"I am taking you to Birpur" he said.

"But... I didn't ask you..." she stopped as his words hit home, "wait what...Birpur?" a very puzzled Paro stared back blindly at Rudra.

"Kyun.." he stepped towards her intimidatingly, "wasn't that where you were headed to?" 

"But I was coming back to Chandangarh" her words stopped him in his tracks,"Paagal hai tu?" he asked out of sheer frustration, "Do you even know what ..."he held her by her arms tightly.

"What was the point of all this?" his eyes held her captive even as he let go of her physically, she was not making any sense, and his patience was running short,"Paro... I'm waiting..." he said. He needed answers.

"I ...err...I couldn't leave without telling you why I was going away" he noticed she was playing with the folds of her dupatta as she spoke, the way she did only when she was utterly nervous.

This woman would drive him mad, Rudra knew.

"So wait, let me get this, you ran away then stopped in the middle of nowhere to return because you needed to tell me why you needed to run away?"  his beautiful wife would be the death of him someday, couldn't she see what all of this was doing to him - he simply stared back incredulously!

"Why are you here?" she asked a little annoyed, "If you plan on shouting at me the whole time..."

"Paro..."

"Why are you here?" she repeated herself, suddenly the need to know overwhelmed everything else.

Rudra was never comfortable baring himself, and he wasn't about to start here and especially now when she was the one supposed to be answering him  "Chor police?" his response left her confused, "Chor police?" she repeated after him.

"Haan, tu chor mein police, toh bata, police ko toh chor ki peecha bhagna hi tha..." 

Paro couldn't stop her smile this time, it felt good and made her feel better. And thats how Paro finally gathered enough courage to spill the truth; truth that felt like a lie to him, "Thats it?" The disbelief was written large on his face.

"It is the truth..." she said. 

"A vow?" he asked,  "You made me a thing?"

It offended her. "The most precious thing I have"  she reiterated right away.   The emphasis on the most precious was not lost on either though.

The honesty in those words, in her eyes and the truth rendered him defenseless... baffled and irritated him at the same time. So much so that Rudra couldn't decide if he wanted to stay mad at her or just kiss her senseless till his kisses drugged her and him both, "Paagal" he wanted to say and take her into his arms...

He kept staring at her finally grateful that it wasn't anything sinister that had taken her away from him, that she hadn't fallen out of love but this... he didn't know what to do with her, with his Paro. 

The most precious thing, only Paro could kill and breathe life into him at the same time.

"Now you know why I need to go away from you" she said a little flustered under his intense gaze and completely oblivious to the effect her words had had on him, "They said another bus will be here in an hour" she said looking at the empty road barring the odd traffic, trying to avoid starring back at his eyes that were beginning to make her feel strange things. Strange things that made it very difficult to breathe...

"Fine then, I will take you there" he said "You are not going alone" 

"Matlab?" Paro turned back to look at him, "But why?"

"Pata nahi kya hoga Birpur ko, the minute you get there. Everywhere you go, you get yourself in trouble" his eyes still held hers in a hypnotic gaze, "One night Paro, one night. thats all you get"

"But?" 

"You made that promise Paro. Not me. Thats all I know"

"So I'll go to Birpur and you can go back home" she was equally adamant, "why is it so hard for you to understand..."

"What if you run away again? I cannot take that chance..."

"Why would I run away?"

"You don't have a choice Paro, either you go with me willingly or I take you back by force?"

"You will force me?"

"Yes, when you are being silly. Yes i will force you"

"But I made a promise to Bholenath"

"To hell with that promise..."

"How can you talk about Bholenath like that?"

"I meant your silly promise Paro"

"But..."

"You promised about walking away but I'm not bound by your promise. You..."he drew her close to his body, "My wife stays with me. And if she goes running away then I go where she goes...besides you didn't vow not to ever come back. And i never made any promises, so its going to be one of these two, either you get on that bike now or..." his voice was fanning her face.

"Or...?" his proximity was wreaking havoc with her resolve by the second.

"I will pick you up and take you home forcibly"

"Birpur" she corrected him.

"Aaj raat...sirf aaj raat" and let her go.

"Par Major Saab..." He shushed her, "Chup!" he commanded, "Ek aur shabd nahin..."

"Dont twirl that mooch!" he heard her say when she was a good few paces ahead of him but it did not stop him, life was going to be very eventful he knew with Paro and her brand of unpredictability around, he mused, but he was ready for the ride. 

"Major Saab...I can't go" she turned around with a frown on her face, breaking his happy thoughts, "What's wrong now?" he asked, "But this is wrong"  Rudra understood her dilemma but he wasn't going to let her give up on them so easily.

"That was wrong Paro" he walked up to her and held her hand, "This isn't. We aren't"

He knew he had her attention now and he had a lifetime to try and convince her of the same, he could live with that.

~~~

Distracted (Letting Go: Part 9)

Distracted.

Letting Go 9

"Please take me to the temple...son" pleaded the old man as he lay his head on Rudra's lap, grateful for the reprieve and this stranger who held him. The traffic had come to a standstill but no one else came forward to help, "Somebody else will take you" Rudra looked around hoping someone would come forward, his mind still pre-occupied by Paro's disappearance and this overwhelming need to see her before his eyes; he did not need any distractions at this  point. Certainly not of the kind that held him back and let her drift further away.

"You are a man of the uniform, how can you deny a dying man his last wish?"the truth in those words demanded Rudra's attention prying them away from the thoughts of Paro and away from his own restlessness. Rudra had no choice but to acknowledge the truth as it stared back at him. It came as a bit of a rude shock therefore, to himself - his callous response to someone who was obviously in need of help, granted he was dealing with a personal crisis but hadn't he vowed his life to serve the country? Had Paro become so important, above everything else that he had thought about overlooking the needs of a dying man? It did not take long for the thoughts to stray back to Paro though.

"You are wasting precious time..." the old man's wise words roused him out of his reverie once again. Time was precious to both, Rudra whose life was drifting away and to his man, who was literally gasping for breath, very little precious moments for both of them to spare.

Rudra looked at him almost thoughtfully and then back up towards the road ahead longingly, noticing the sun had completely disappeared behind the hills, and how the darkness was now fast spreading across the land; gone was the mesmerizing hue that had lit up the evening sky only moments' ago. It felt like the sun that had vanished taking away the light, just like Paro had.

"I was in a rush..." said Rudra, more to convince himself than anything else, "I have been walking on this road for a while, but no one came to my help, you are the first who has come forward" replied the man.

Rudra was in two minds but years of training and his inherent goodness would not allow him to leave this helpless man stranded the middle of the road to die, "The evening aarti is about to start, please take me there..." he pleaded this time and yet strangely enough there was no pain in that voice. Rudra studied the face intently, and those eyes as they looked back at his own, seemed to look through him and focus at the one that Rudra religiously hid from the rest of the world- through the hard shell that Rudra thought he was, that the world saw him to be... onto the one that Paro looked at every time she did, so did he.

"Alright, let's get you there" Rudra helped him get up. About half way there, the old man tried to strike a conversation, "you are a good man..." he spoke his eyes focussed on the lights of the temple. Before Rudra could respond though, he was distracted by the shrill of his cell phone, "Yes Aman?" Rudra asked eagerly, hoping there was something good at the other end. 

"Sir..." Aman's hesitation was a quick dampener on all those happy thoughts, "I have some bad news..." he said, unsure how to break it to his boss, "Kya hai Aman, bol.." even as he held on to the man by his left hand and walked with him at a slow pace to the temple, "Sir wohh Bhabhisa..."

"Paro...Kya hua usse?" 

"Its not that Sir...the bus just arrived at the station" Aman said choosing his words carefully.

"And..." Rudra stopped at the base of the singl flight of steps that led to the temple's plinth, unable to shrug off the sense of unease that spread through him, "Jaldi bol Aman, Paro theek hai?"

"Sir, she was not in the bus" Aman said, "May be she went somewhere else?"Doubting whether Rudra had been right in his assumption, are you sure she went to Birpur? He meant to say.

"Theek se dekh Aman...she has to be in that bus" he didn't realize when let go of the old man or when he began to pace the width of the steps in a nervous panic,"Damn it Aman...I'm going to Birpur, tell them to re-check"

"Can you...?" Rudra turned back to talk to the old man but he was gone! Horrified that he had fallen out of his hold after the phone call, Rudra went back a few paces, looked to the sides by the shrubs, and the tress, but the man was nowhere in sight,"Take me to the temple..." had been his words, but he was no where on those steps that led to the top where the temple stood either.

It was almost like he had vanished!

In his panic, he raced up the steps to check up on the man but found only a few people waiting patiently as the priest prepared the evening aarti. Rudra stood outside the temple plinth, unable to figure out how the man had simply vanished!

He turned around as the height provided a better view of the surrounding land but there was no trace of him. There was only a hint of a breeze and the odd lights from moving vehicles on the road ahead. A slightly flustered Rudra was just about go back down, when a voice stopped him, "The aarti is about to start, come in"the priest  - awaiting Rudra's response was whom Rudra noticed first when he turned around. Then the few people gathered there began to turn towards him, one by one almost as if they were eager to see this source of distraction which had delayed their aarti. 

The last one to turn was her, those eyes he knew all too well, widened in shock as she registered his presence.

He could not believe it and neither could she.

Next: Final Part - Oodhni ka Moti

Chor Police (Letting Go: Part 8)

Chor Police.

Letting Go 8

A lone shadow slid across the landscape in the opposite direction of most incoming traffic, gliding out of the darkness as it sped towards the setting sun trying to catch it before it disappeared completely into the horizon ahead.

"Sometimes I wonder, what if we had been in the same bus?...we could have played chor police as kids..." the sound of her laughter had been like a soothing melody to his troubled mind, "You know its funny..." she had paused thoughtfully before an iridescent smile had lit up her eyes making them glow like the brightest stars in the night sky,"we played chor police even after growing up..." her eyes with all that fire had lit up his world but she was far from done, "I ran away ... but you brought me back every single time..." there was that laugher again, distracting him " And then, finally the chor came back to the police by herself!...why was I running away from you?"  she had questioned herself,"When I had to come to you... bhagya!" She had found the answer. 

" Then Why... Kyun Paro?" Rudra spoke into the winds, "What have you done?"He could not understand, it made no sense.

"I think you are cursed..." Mohini's words of earlier came back as the fitting answer, Rudra gritted his teeth and involuntarily his hands revved up the engine in reaction, "Rudra dev, why are you sulking in your room like a little girl, go after her like a man and bring her back" 

"Why should I?" Rudra pushed the punching bag away, "She left out of her own choice!"

"You must have said something..." his father had argued much to his annoyance,"That girl is crazy about you... why would she go?" how did she get him on his side so quickly! Rudra was annoyed that everyone was still siding with her and actually defending her after her stupid stunt! He had not asked her to leave.

"Abb kya faaiida ... by now she must have gone out of Chandangarh, all the busses leave before three" Mohini's unwelcome words from outside the window had triggered his first real panic, She was really gone, Paro was missing!!

"Bewakoof ladki" Rudra sped as fast as his bike could go, he needed to catch-up with that bus before it got to Birpur, his mind kept conjuring images of all sorts of horrific scenarios Paro would find herself in - no he had to find her before she got herself in another trouble - trouble was her middle name!

"Like father like son..." had been Mohini's last words before Danveer had literally dragged her away disgusted with the insensitivity of this woman who was his wife of thirty years and the mother of his children, "Go after her son, there has to be more - Paro would not leave otherwise" the wise uncle had pleaded with his eyes, urging Rudra to go out and find Paro instead of wasting precious time sitting at home, even as he had literally dragged Mohini away from Rudra and Dilsher.

The sun looked magnificent even as it dwindled into the horizon, partially hidden now behind the low hills as it led Rudra out of town.

"Any news Aman?" Rudra lodged his cell phone securely inside the helmet, his eyes focused on the road ahead, "Sir, the bus is running late because of a flat tyre so it has not made its way to Birpur yet"

Aman's voice was drowned out momentarily by the loud chime of a temple bell, forcing Rudra to slow down and turn his head towards the source of his distraction; a small temple at a far away distance, stood alone as if it had always been there, hidden in the shadows of the hills. Not now though, surrounded by this vast emptiness, the sound of the bells seemed to bounce off the surrounding hills magnifying greatly, "Keep me updated Aman and get a personnel stationed at the bus-stop"

When he finally turned back towards the road, Rudra saw a stooping figure as it ambled on the road, veering dangerously close to the center with each trembling step. Rudra's bike was still a good fifty meters away so he had time to slow down before it was late. But as he got closer, the man swayed more and stooped dangerously low, his feet adorning a simple sandal, looked far too inadequate to deal with the harsh climate as the dry skin on his feet indicated - his body was not accustomed to the heat of the land, Rudra pressed the bike horn but the old man refused to budge. Instead he stopped and slowly sank to the floor in a heap of a helpless mass, giving up entirely, as Rudra watched in horror.

"Perfect!" he cursed, he couldn't walk away now but time was not in his side, and there was so much to lose, Rudra was in a fix. 

"Paro...they are poisonous" Rudra had said his face not giving away anything,"They teach us all that in BSD" the following words had however raised a flag of suspicion in Paro's mind, "Woh...they teach about rats too?" she looked at him carefully noticing how he had avoided looking back at her directly. It wasn't too hard to come to a conclusion after that. 

That evasion was just as obvious as his lies, clearly her husband was a bad liar.Paro was elated though with the revelation that he wanted her next to him and was willing to lie so badly - so blatantly at that! So ignoring the voice inside her that warned her of the consequences, Paro had allowed herself that tiny allowance and had played along with Rudra's lies. Surely Bholenath wouldn't mind because nothing felt as right as it did when she slept in her husband's arms -something so right couldn't possibly be wrong?

Next: Distracted

Silence (Letting Go: Part 7)

Silence.

Letting Go  7

The escape was quick, the walk a blur and the ride was like drowning in a pool of silence where even the voices inside your head whisper fearful of what the words might trigger. Paro clutched onto her bag tightly pressing it against herself hoping that would provide some solace to her heart, and lessen this burden but nothing felt right. She did not notice the fellow commuters or the road side vendors, or the rugged landscape arid like her heart as the road cut through it, taking her away from home and from him. There was so much chaos around her that she could only register the numbing silence of her mind. How would this ever work, she had no clue!

The Ranawat family assembled in the interior courtyard next to the old fountain outside Rudra's bedroom greeted him with an uneasy silence as he walked in unsuspecting of the horror that awaited him. The courtyard, in contrast to the general mood of its occupants was bathed in a beautiful shade of burning orange, lit up by the faint glow of the setting sun that filtered through the latticed windows creating playful patterns on the surrounding walls. But their hearts felt devoid of all light because Paro was missing, and by all accounts she had walked out herself! Everyone knew that except Rudra; wary of his reaction though, no one knew how to break the news to him. 

Not one to let an opportunity pass, Kaki however jumped right in; it was hard to tell where the sympathy ceased and sarcasm began, "Rudra banna..." she walked over teary eyed, armed to mock Rudra, "I don't even know how to say this..."and paused almost strategically to wipe those errant tears away, "first your mother and now...Dhua kumari has vanished" and when she felt Rudra did not grasp the seriousness of the situation she added, "Your wife has left home...Rudra banna, totally messing up the weather of this house..."

Rudra felt himself physically reel back by the blow inflicted by those words, "Paro?" he turned to his father seeking a denial but he was silent just like the rest of them,  bearing a grim expression that sent a chill of foreboding through Rudra's spine, "Ranawat...yeh kya bol rahi hey...you told me..." No, no, no... this could not be happening to him all over again!

"Rudra ..woh.. I fell asleep after our call until Mythili came and woke me up..."Rudra turned to Mythili who looked distraught, her tears had already washed away the kohl in her eyes, "I went to the market and when I came back...Paro..."at this she couldn't contain her tears, "she was gone...!"

Trust Mohini to cash in fully, "This is what I had feared... its like you are cursed!"

"Enough!" Danveeer roared, "Can you just stop it for once?" his eyes bore years of suppressed anger directed at his wife, "Just stop Mohini, stop being so insensitive for once...and let us focus on what needs to be done now"

Rudra stood passively immobilized by the weight of his own realizations as it dawned upon him, "Had Paro said anything?" Danveer asked, "She didn't look very unlike herself the past few days..." a worried Mythili chimed in.

"Then pray for it, ask the same god to grant you your wish" Paro's words from the day of the puja came back to him even as images from yesterday & this morning flashed before his eyes, "Thats what it was!?" Rudra wondered, the gradual withdrawal?

He walked away from the family drowning out their voices completely - towards his bedroom hoping he would find her perched up on the almirah, but there was only a morbid silence waiting for him there. 

Why hadn't he paid heed to those signs, and come back earlier, he rued as he fished out the new cell phone from his pocket and threw it against the opposite wall shattering it into tiny little pieces.

Dilsher said, "I don't know what she sees in you but ... you know, do one thing, buy her a phone on the way home from work today. Then I can sleep in peace"

It wasn't a bad idea thought Rudra.

Peace. That was exactly what was missing from her mind since last night as Paro paced restlessly in her room her eyes darted back and forth between the bundle of clothes thrown over the bed ready to be packed and the closed door. Somehow this was getting harder than she had imagined it would be. Come tomorrow morning, she would not wake up in this room, or in that bed...and in his arms?That realization made her throat constrict and it felt as if a thousand bullets dipped in the deadliest poison seared through her body mortally wounding her soul. To leave him would be worse than death for there would be no closure. 

Two nights, thats what it had taken Paro to untangle the web of rat(ty) lies that the Major had weaved on their first night back. Every night since then, he had without fail reminded her of those rats; the same godzilla rats which curiously she had failed to spot otherwise.

"Paro...they are poisonous" Rudra had said his face not giving away anything,"They teach us all that in BSD" the following words had however raised a flag of suspicion in Paro's mind, "Woh...they teach about rats too?" she looked at him carefully noticing how he had avoided looking back at her directly. It wasn't too hard to come to a conclusion after that. 

That evasion was just as obvious as his lies, clearly her husband was a bad liar.Paro was elated though with the revelation that he wanted her next to him and was willing to lie so badly - so blatantly at that! So ignoring the voice inside her that warned her of the consequences, Paro had allowed herself that tiny allowance and had played along with Rudra's lies. Surely Bholenath wouldn't mind because nothing felt as right as it did when she slept in her husband's arms -something so right couldn't possibly be wrong?

Next: Chor Police

Lies (Letting Go: Part 6)

Lies.

Letting Go 6

Tring...Tring... the persistent sound of his buzzing cell phone roused Dilsher from his sleep; he hated this ring-tone and how the sound got progressively loud with every passing moment, "Now pick up the phone next time I call you or else, I'll set something thats even worse" Rudra had quipped as he had inserted the sim card on the brand new set he had brought for his father; annoyed with the uselessness of the previous set which according to him belonged in a museum,"Just like you Rudra Dev" Dilsher had remarked only to be met with a disapproving glare, "What?" he smirked, "I am just stating a fact, you are one of a kind Rudra"

Once Rudra had showed him how to operate the new phone Dilsher had complained about the archaic ring-tone, "It sounds like the old phone we had the haveli when we got a phone for the first time!" 

"So pick it up before it makes too much noise, next time Ranawat!"

"Ranawat..." the urgency in Rudra's voice made Dilsher sit up while the following awkward silence brought an indulgent smile on his lips. Sure, their conversations had always been laced with a certain awkwardness but never of this kind, Dilsher knew all too well.

He sat up on his bed, not bothered about his disturbed siesta anymore and very eager to take this conversation forward, "So Rudra Dev what brings you to call me at this hour"

Rudra fumbled, Woh..."

"Looks like the weather is changing all round" Dilsher said much to the annoyance of his son, "You are beginning to sound like Kaki" Rudra replied,"Well...you spend so much time surrounded by all that venom, it begins to seep into you" Dilsher said and paused briefly, he could pretty much sense Rudra's annoyance even through the silence, "Thankfully Parvati..."

"Why are you talking about her?" Rudra interrupted before he realized what he had done, of course the words came out all wrong, "Umm..." he paused, "Did you take your medicine?" Rudra asked suddenly feeling uncomfortable with where this was headed even though it completely defeated the purpose of his phone call. 

That brought the biggest smile on the face of Dilsher, "Medicine? haan...woh joh pichle hafte khatam ho gaya?"

"Woh...umm" Rudra's cursed himself, why was this so difficult!

"Acha Rudra Dev if you are done, I want to go back to sleep" Dilsher purposely avoided bringing up Paro, "Ranawat...ruk" Rudra finally decided to bite the bullet and ask him of her, he couldn't go another minute plagued with this restlessness, "Woh..Paro..woh" he his thoughts weren't exactly coherent and it reflected in his words or lack of it.

"She ran up to the terrace to watch you go to work and then came back and has been locked up in your room since" Dilsher said, "I don't know what she sees in you but ... you know, do one thing, buy her a phone on the way home from work today. Then I can sleep in peace"

It wasn't a bad idea thought Rudra.

Peace. That was exactly what was missing from her mind since last night as Paro paced restlessly in her room her eyes darted back and forth between the bundle of clothes thrown over the bed ready to be packed and the closed door. Somehow this was getting harder than she had imagined it would be. Come tomorrow morning, she would not wake up in this room, or in that bed...and in his arms?That realization made her throat constrict and it felt as if a thousand bullets dipped in the deadliest poison seared through her body mortally wounding her soul. To leave him would be worse than death for there would be no closure. 

Two nights, thats what it had taken Paro to untangle the web of rat(ty) lies that the Major had weaved on their first night back. Every night since then, he had without fail reminded her of those rats; the same godzilla rats which curiously she had failed to spot otherwise.

"Paro...they are poisonous" Rudra had said his face not giving away anything,"They teach us all that in BSD" the following words had however raised a flag of suspicion in Paro's mind, "Woh...they teach about rats too?" she looked at him carefully noticing how he had avoided looking back at her directly. It wasn't too hard to come to a conclusion after that. 

That evasion was just as obvious as his lies, clearly her husband was a bad liar.Paro was elated though with the revelation that he wanted her next to him and was willing to lie so badly - so blatantly at that! So ignoring the voice inside her that warned her of the consequences, Paro had allowed herself that tiny allowance and had played along with Rudra's lies. Surely Bholenath wouldn't mind because nothing felt as right as it did when she slept in her husband's arms -something so right couldn't possibly be wrong?

Next: Silence